For me, I did not figure out the reality of narcissism in my life until I moved my elderly parents from their home in the Carolinas to Texas. I had kept my distance and had not lived in the same state as my parents since I was 18 years old. I knew they were an emotional danger to me. I knew that my relationship with them was different from what many of my friends experienced with their parents. I had spent many years on a healing journey knowing that something was desperately wrong but looked so, “normal” that I could not figure out what it was.
I often listened to people excited about going home to visit their family and I always felt that edge of discomfort. Being around my mother was always like walking on eggshells interspersed with shards of glass. Conversations with both mom and dad held judgments that were subtly pointed messages so casually inserted as part of every conversation that I would walk away feeling crazy.
I have learned that to a narcissist; you must become an extension of them or they will ignore you because you are not meeting their needs.
Narcissistic parents control their children through disapproving glances, body language, vocal tone and other subtleties. These often unspoken behaviors control all of the beliefs the child has about themselves and the world in which they live.
If you are wondering if you were also raised by a narcissist, I found this page to be very helpful: https://theinvisiblescar.wordpress.com/2013/04/14/surviving-the-narcissistic-parent-acons-adult-children-of-narcissists/